you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
