Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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