i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
