i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
