names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
