we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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