It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
