The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
