i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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