hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
