How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
