I think i peed on brittanys purse
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
