True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
