anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
