y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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