Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
