I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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