Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So many bounce houses so little time
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize