FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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