the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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