my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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