hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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