getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
its liver damage thursday
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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