They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
