THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
