Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
