My hand turned me down
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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