we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize