You just made me feel so damn special
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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