why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
