Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
