Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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