i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
