So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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