My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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