Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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