can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
