she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
