so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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