Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
