so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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