I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
