turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize