so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
