I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I have aggressive nipples.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
