dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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