Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
