this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
