He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
