Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
