You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
