Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
