If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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