I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
