If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
