Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize