Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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