After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
