buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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