it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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