I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
