I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Randomize
