5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
