apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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