It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
