I hate all girls vehemently.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
