Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
