So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
