I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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