i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
