i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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