I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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