i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
