To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
