Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
