think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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