so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize