I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I smell stomach acid.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
