Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
did i just pee glitter
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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