We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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