The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
