i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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