You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
