I never want to see another naked old woman again.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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