plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
