hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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