I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
