I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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