I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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