There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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