well I can't set my house on fire every night
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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