i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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