you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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