so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just threw up on my dentist
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
