That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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