oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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