Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize