Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf

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(510): View more from California

my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during

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(712): View more from Iowa

Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi

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(563): View more from Iowa

i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.

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(541): View more from Oregon

I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.

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(801): View more from Utah

I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here

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(503): View more from Oregon

Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.

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