Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
