i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
